What Would Michael Do?

I was going to title this post “Cancerween” but I didn’t want you guys to think I was going to talk about my penis. Actually, by the end of this post I probably will talk about it at least once, but it’s mostly about Halloween, I swear.

Does anyone want to discuss Halloween costumes with me? I’m feeling pretty bummed for many reasons today but one is that I probably won’t get to dress up or do anything this Halloween. I missed chemo last Monday because I got really sick and I will probably finally get chemo #10 by the end of this week. That means ZERO halloween festivities. SUCKFEST.

I was so set on workin’ the whole BALD thing for Halloween. It was the only thing that kept me smiling this past May/June when I got diagnosed and was starting treatment. “At least I can do something cool for Halloween,” I told myself.

I’ve been told that I’m being a little “reckless” because I’ve been up and around a bit after getting out of the hospital. Honestly, I don’t give a crap about my health anymore. Sucks, right? That I work so hard to get into remission and now that I’ve achieved it, I’m like, “whatever.” I guess it’s just been a rough week.

Anyway, I went to that Spirit halloween store by Texas Thrift (off i-35) with my friend Matt to look for a costume. He has a couple of costume parties to attend. I’m so jealous. Anyway, I pretended to be looking for a costume for myself as well. I think I did it mostly because it was too sad to let myself think that cancer was going to yet again prevent me from doing something I was looking forward to doing.

I wrote this in June:
“I got so bored a while ago, that I started thinking about a costume for Halloween 2008. It occurred to me that I was going to be sick and very bald in October. I don’t know why I even thought about Halloween. I’ve never been a huge fan of the day. Don’t get me wrong, I can appreciate slasher films and I love to eat candy… but I don’t really give Halloween much thought usually. But today I thought, hrm… should I go as Powder? Nah, that would require too much make-up. I know many of you ladies are very fond of make up but I prefer to go au natural on most days. ;) Ok, how about Mr. Clean? Crap, I’m not buff enough to pull that off. I could hit the gym…but I have cancer. So eff that. And did anyone even realize that Mr. Clean had bushy white eyebrows? Yeah, I didn’t either. I don’t know how I would pull that off. I’d have to, like, paste stretched out cotton balls to my face or something. That wouldn’t be good. Strike that. What about a young Jean-Luc Picard? Maybe I’d look sexy as that. Well, at least to your average star trek geek. Because that’s totally what I’m trying to attract, right?”

This time around though, I was thinking of trying my hardest to dress up like my chemo nurse. Just to annoy them and make ‘em smile. But then, I saw this and I kind of like it better:



Hmmm, I thought. But then I don’t think I could handle wearing shoes like that. And maybe they’d think I was a bit over the top if I showed up to get chemo looking like THAT. hahaha as if people don’t think I’m over the top already. But still, I considered it for a long while. I held it in my hands and weighed the pros/cons. In the end, I decided against it and put it back.

Matt looked at me the entire time like this: :-| . You know, no reaction, really. Then he went off on his own and looked for himself. He’s been my best friend for at least 10 years now so I have a feeling we have this special connection. You know, like when one of us is in trouble we just KNOW. Our BFF necklaces light up and shit. Haha joking. No but seriously, I had a feeling he was staring at me from across the store so when I looked up and towards him, sure enough, there he was smiling and calling me over.

He says, “You should be THIS for Halloween.” *points to this*



How RUDE, right? :-)

I told him and some other friends that they should buy me a coffin and I could play a dead person for Halloween and HEY if I really do die, then that’s one less thing they have to worry about! I’ll already have my coffin and stuff all set. They didn’t think that was funny.

Why don’t people take jokes about death very well?  I’m not gonna die, people.

Anyway, I’m kinda bummed that I’m gonna spend Halloween in bed. Maybe I really SHOULD dress up. All alone. So, so alone. haha :-) We’ll see. Anyone want to come spend the day and be pathetic right along with me? hehe If you all have any suggestions for this po’ cancer patient, you should definitely let me know.

I don’t know, I still say this one is perfect for me:


I told you I wouldn’t be able to make it through the entire post without talking about my penis.

Hope you all are having a good day. Cuz I certainly am not.