What Would Michael Do?

So when I got diagnosed with cancer, I couldn’t figure out how to tell anybody.  My parents were going to freak.  My brothers and sisters, too.  My friends would pity me.  I knew I had to tell SOMEONE but I didn’t know who I could talk to that would truly understand what I was going through and help me out.  Then I thought, “Oh yeah, didn’t I date some cancer survivor for a couple of months last year?”  HA.  JT and I hadn’t been in contact for reasons that are neither here nor there, but when I did finally get a hold of him, he was more supportive than I ever thought he would be.  We were (and at certain times still are) in a weird place, but one thing he DID do was turn me on to an organization called Planet Cancer.  I’ll abstain from linking directly to them, as I doubt they want my endorsement ;) but so it’s basically an online community for people in their 20s/30s affected by cancer.  Perfect!

And it was pretty perfect.  I made several posts there about being terrified of what cancer would do to me, what it was like to be shaken to your core like that.  I also made posts about chemo and how it made things taste like shit.  I made posts about the benefits of neuropathy when masturbating.  I am sure I made at least 200 inappropriate remarks to women on that website.  Why?  Well, why not?

I’m writing about this because I wanted people to know that I left on my own accord.  Apparently people have been asking if I got kicked out, and the answer to that is NO!  The people at Planet Cancer have been nothing but kind to me, so please people, don’t be dramatic and go around spreading rumors that I got kicked out.  haha.  Don’t be ridiculous.  Everyone knows that I can talk my way out of any trouble.  ;-)  I wasn’t in trouble, though I would have certainly gotten there had I stayed.  And that’s why I left.  See, with people like Lynn around, I could guarantee that I would be offensive.  He brings it out of me! :-)    I have much respect for the people at PC and their mission, so rather than break rules, I figured I would leave and save them the trouble.  :-)

I just hope I can still get some support outside of MyPlanet!

I was seriously laughing my ass off when I read Lynn’s retarded blog “apologizing” for being offensive.  I thought it was hilarious that someone (or several people) finally got annoyed at his welcome greetings and PC sluttiness (seriously, he has like a million comments…the person behind him is JT with like close to 800 but that’s only because they’re all offers from women who want to have sex with him).  His apology was more like hey-you-guys-look-at-me-the-people-at-PC-sent-me-an-email-so-please-write-comments-on-my-blog-to-take-my-side.  Ridiculous.   After I read that I was like, yeah, I’m out of here.  Lynn singlehandedly ruined my Planet Cancer experience with his crush on PC heart throb JT and his creepy ways of provoking me to say very bad things. :-p

But he gave birth (probably literally) to a new beginning.

So now I must say…

Welcome to Michael’s blog!  We’re glad you’re here but at the same time we’re so sorry you had to be here.  I’m sure you know what we mean.  But since you’re here, please check out my sarcastic humor and anecdotes featuring the comedy of errors that is my life!  (BTW I’m from Texas and I’m here but I still miss it!)

Oh, and my blogs can be as offensive as I’d like them to be.  So this entry is dedicated to Lynn, the wannabe MySpace Tom of Planet Cancer and the guy who desperately wishes he had a job there.

“OH MY GOODNESS, WHY DO THEY PUT THIS ON THE INTERNET!”

The Lynn Files

Hi.  My name is Lynn and I live in New York City.  Would you like to come see Equus starring ME?  You can see my magic wand…

What do gay horses eat, Lynn?  HaYYYYYYYYY *snaps*

Why would Lynn put this on the internet?!  He’s so gay that even Michael Jackson tops in that relationship.

Hey Lynn!  Whoever gave you that dirty sanchez AND pearl necklace is really talented.  And I hate to be the one to tell you this…but.. umm… you have some cum on your face.  This is awkward.

I *knew* I had seen him SOMEWHERE before the cancer.  He’s Tinky Winky!

hehehehe He messed with the wrong guy.  ;-)

So I must sadly part ways with the people on MyPlanet.  A lot of them were really amazing and offered me support when I couldn’t get it elsewhere.  I will be forever grateful for my time there.  And plus, who are we kidding?  Heidi is friggin’ hot.  It was a pleasure to be a part of it just so I could go to her profile and see her beautiful mug all day long.  HA!  :-)  That’s probably what Lynn does.  GROSS.  I hope to still make happy hours, though.  Hopefully they will still have me.  Though I doubt it, as I never made a great impression. Seriously what’s the matter with me?  Cancer makes me act like an immature child.  I kind of love it.  And that scares me. ;-)  I think I just have too much time on my hands.  I need to do something.  Volunteer.  Get out the vote.  SOMETHING.

Ah well, I can drink by myself.  And while they’re happy houring it up, I hope they spill some of their beer out onto the ground for their fallen homie.  ;-)