What Would Michael Do?

I’m bored, you guyyyyyyyyyyyys.

Haha.

OK, so I’ve never been more bored in my life. I had no idea that cancer was going to give me THIS much time on my hands. Before cancer, I was totally the guy who worked/went to school/kept busy until about 3 am and then slept three hours, and woke up at 6 am to do it all over again. But now that I’ve dropped everything for cancer, I find myself SO freakin’ bored. Ok, so Day 3 into treatment and I’m already feeling kind of shitty. I already threw up a couple of times, or I “broke the seal” as my sister says. So I’m pretty much confined to my bed. I can only watch TV for so long before I start going crazy and everyone else is asleep because unlike me, they have lives to get back to in the morning. So crap!

I got so bored a while ago, that I started thinking about a costume for Halloween 2008. It occurred to me that I was going to be sick and very bald in October. I don’t know why I even thought about Halloween. I’ve never been a huge fan of the day. Don’t get me wrong, I can appreciate slasher films and I love to eat candy… but I don’t really give Halloween much thought usually. But today I thought, hrm… should I go as Powder? Nah, that would require too much make-up. I know many of you ladies are very fond of make up but I prefer to go au natural on most days. ;) Ok, how about Mr. Clean? Crap, I’m not buff enough to pull that off. I could hit the gym…but I have cancer. So eff that. And did anyone even realize that Mr. Clean had bushy white eyebrows? Yeah, I didn’t either. I don’t know how I would pull that off. I’d have to, like, paste stretched out cotton balls to my face or something. That wouldn’t be good. Strike that. What about a young Jean-Luc Picard? Maybe I’d look sexy as that. Well, at least to your average star trek geek. Because that’s totally what I’m trying to attract, right?

Eh, I decided to not commit to a costume now. I still have a few months. :-p But shortly thereafter I found myself bored again. What now, Michael? What are you going to do?

Yeah, I decided to stalk people on Planet Cancer and read random people’s blog entries. And then I went over to Heidi’s Hot Flash Blog (yes, fancy fancy!) and I read the following old forum thread:

Archived Forum Thread on Masturbation

“Hell yeah! Now we’re getting somewhere,” I thought to myself.

I read and I laughed and it reminded me of something. Ok, I’m only writing about this because I’m extremely bored and I figured, eh, what the hell, right? So when I heard that you pretty much lose your libido during treatment, I got bummed out. How can someone not feel like doing it? I just couldn’t comprehend that. I still can’t. Not yet anyway. It’s not like I’m sexually active these days anyway. But hell, that doesn’t stop me from knocking a couple out every day. So cancer is supposed to take THAT away from me, too? Damn!

I was talking to a fellow PCer earlier today to whom I had made a joke once claiming that I look forward to the times when I sleep on my hand on accident because I get to wake up and jerk off and for a few seconds, it feels like it’s someone else’s hand. YES I HAVE THESE KINDS OF CONVERSATIONS. So? :) And actually, I wasn’t really joking. I know several guys who have laughed about this and have admitted doing it themselves. So I know I’m not alone. Not by a long shot. So today, I tell her that my fingers are feeling all tingly. Numb, even. She says something like, “Yeah, that happens with ABVD, but you should make sure you tell your doctor.” As I sit there feeling a little worried about this, she adds that this “problem” would do wonders for my masturbation sessions.

You should have seen the way my eyes lit up!

Silver lining (because I’m silver lining guy tonight): Neuropathy can make masturbation much more interesting/enticing.

I have yet to try this out but trust me, I will. So after coming to the conclusion that the tingly sensation that I’m feeling in my fingers isn’t necessarily a BAD thing and reading that old forum thread about how people have masturbated and have elevated their blood counts, I’m left thinking that this chemo thing isn’t so bad after all.

At least…it certainly has its perks. You get to masturbate for health reasons and you get to enjoy it in different ways. And for a Catholic like me who feels guilty every time I do it, this makes me happy. It’s kind of like how you can skip out on the whole not eating meat thing on Fridays during Lent for health reasons. Maybe I can masturbate for health reasons and it’s totally cool. Hmm, I’ll have to ask the pope.

So would anyone like to help me raise my blood count? Any fuck fairies? (Yes Kairol, that means I read your blog entries, too!) No takers? Oh well, I’ll just enjoy the tinglies all by my lonesome.

That is all for tonight. :-p